Are you a Democrat who’s having trouble explaining just why you’ll be voting for John McCain this fall? Are you tired of folks laughing at and ridiculing you because you can’t find the words? Katie Halper can help! She’s put together a number of handy loyalty oaths, specially tailored to your situation. For example:
The McCain Loyalty Oath for Women
I _____________ pledge to transfer my support from Hillary Clinton to John McCain. I agree to do all I can do to get McCain the vote. In order to achieve this noble goal I promise to support McCain’s…
* fight to overturn Roe v. Wade and my right to choose.
* fight against equal pay for men and women.
* opposition to providing low-income and uninsured women and families with health care services ranging from breast and cervical cancer screening to birth control.
* opposition to sex education and support of abstinence-only education.
* making birth control covered by insurance.
* endorsement of women’s rights more “in theory” than in practice.
* pet name for his wife.As a woman I promise to apply McCain’s principles to my own life and vow to…
* call myself and my female friends the C word.
* picket abortion clinics.
* not use contraceptives.
* drink bleachso I don’t catch HIV and drink Mountain due so I don’t get pregnant.
* give back part of my salary to male coworkers.
* not vote, but pursue education and encourage my father/husband/brother male friends to vote for McCain.Once McCain is elected, I will continue to support him and I will not complain about my losing my right to choose, and other reproductive freedoms. And I will continue to refrain from pursuing equality for women.
Sincerely,
Signature __________
See? All there in one place, for easy referral next time someone asks you how you could possibly vote for McCain. And don’t worry, all you gays and ignored straight white men, Katie’s got help for you, too. Good luck!