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December 22nd, 2010

The Socialist Plot to Make You Eat Your Veggies

Posted in Politics by MB

Pay attention, people:

The vegetables are coming, my friends. Green, gassy, fibrous vegetables. They aren’t buttered. Or salted. And this time, they mean business.

Last week, flush with his victory in a lawsuit challenging the president’s health care initiative, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli announced gravely that “if we cross this line with health care now—this unconstitutional line—where the government can force us to buy a private product and say it’s for our own good, then we’ll have given the government the power to force us to buy other products: cars, gym memberships, asparagus. The list goes on.” Broccoli? Belgian endive? The list indeed goes on.

And it’s not just crazy Ken Cuccinelli being crazy Ken Cuccinelli, you know.  Dahlia Lithwick goes on, illustrating the fear spreading across the entire conservative spectrum:

Using the same logic, columnist George Will conjured the dread specter of the state brandishing broccoli when he wrote at the start of this month that if congressional power to regulate interstate commerce “is infinitely elastic, Congress can do anything—eat your broccoli, or else—and America no longer has a limited government.” Don’t think there’s anything that sinister about broccoli, friends? Think again. That broccoli is just a front for the New World Order.

Think about it. If the asparagus and broccoli are really coming to knock down our doors and kidnap our children, can helicopters loaded with cauliflower really be that far behind? And what of the eggplant in night-vision goggles? If we’re soon to be governed by a totalitarian taxonomy of toxic greens, who—one wonders—will sound the warning against the tyrannical field peas?

I, for one, welcome our fresh green overlords.

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One comment

  1. tx2vadem says:

    I hate asparagus. Why people hate broccoli, I don’t know. You can’t rid the horrid flavor of asparagus by smothering it in hollandaise sauce. Broccoli doesn’t have an offensively pungent and bitter flavor like asparagus does. Why broccoli is more vilified than asparagus remains a mystery to me. Maybe its that asparagus is too bourgie.

    December 27th, 2010 at 8:35 pm