Delta Flight 578 touched down at National Airport about 10 minutes late, and the guy in 2A was the last one off the plane.

~

It’s the end of my high (and more importantly- free) flying days. I’m figuring it’s been nearly a quarter million miles flown since 1990.  In that time, I’ve learned a lot of things:

  • You don’t need to show up at the gate till 10 minutes before the flight.
  • Never, ever, ever check luggage.  With a bit of planning, anyone can live out of a pull along for up to a week and look good.
  • Pleasant words and a sincere smile for flight attendants pay off in the most unexpected ways.  Payoff or not- be nice.  They deserve it.
  • It’s very easy to get very drunk very quickly at 32,000 feet.  If it’s not a trans-oceanic segment- count your drinks.  Test it by how you feel, and you’re probably going to end up ripped.
  • Virgin Airlines Upper Class is the ideal way to get across the Atlantic.  Skilled massages, 30 movies, and full sized couches make it more comfortable than hanging out at home.
  • Don’t joke with customs.  At all.
  • Small children may be cute.  They may be charming.  They should be at the other end of the plane.
  • Make good use of the aromatherapy mists available in the overnight kits they pass out.
  • Avoid Dallas-Fort Worth at all costs.  National has been a blessing.
  • You can’t carry handcuffs on international flights.  But the flight attendant will hold them for you, giving you a smile that makes even the shameless embarrased.
  • It’s better to take an inconvenient flight and get business class than sit in [r/c]oach.
  • Free and easy flights create a social network that has nothing to do with where you live.  While you’ve still got free and easy flights- no problem.  When you take that away, it’s not so great.
  • Little things like getting a gate assignment closest to the arrival/departure curb makes a huge difference.
  • You can fly Atlanta to Gatwick, get the Thameslink to St. Pauls, have breakfast and a bit of shopping in London, and catch the flight back in time to get to bed.  Early, even.

So, those are a few of the things I’ve learned.  Of course, I’ll have a few opportunities to develop these lessons later this year.
Interviews will necessitate a few domestic flights.  I’ve also got some travel ambitions, which I’m sure I can make on the summer off-season.  Of course, I’m convinced that mentioning that dooms them now.  One used to be Constantinople.  Think that counts?